It’s not always easy to find relaxation and settle down at night. Often, the closer you get to bedtime, your thoughts get more active.
Your mind wants to mull over interactions from the day, whether they were enjoyable interactions or unpleasant ones. You’re also thinking ahead to tomorrow, playing out scenarios that may or may not actually happen.
You might be wondering, why do I do this? It’s exhausting, especially if it happens every night.
The Mind at Work: No Time to Relax
Evening activities like coming home, cooking dinner, or talking with friends and family make the stress from the day take a step back temporarily. Your mind has something to focus on.
Yet, sure enough, pressure from the day creeps back in at the moment you least want it. As soon as there’s a calm window, the thoughts arise.
Our minds are amazing, and yet, they have a hard time distinguishing between what is happening in the present, and what your mind is projecting about the future.
Thoughts about the past or the future often seem more real than the present moment. According to an article from the Association for Psychological Science:
“Brains didn’t evolve for rationality,” said Barrett. “They did not evolve for you to think or to perceive the world accurately. They didn’t even really evolve for you to see or hear or feel. Brains evolved to regulate a body so that it could move around the world efficiently.”
To check out the article, “Interoception: How We Understand Our Body’s Inner Sensations”, follow this link: APA article.
Why do Thoughts Take Over at Night?
There are many external causes for why we overthink at night, including:
- Life changes
- Family stress
- Work stress
- Financial stress
- Heavy responsibilities, such as caring for an elderly parent
Sometimes in the small windows of free time at night, it might seem like a good idea to cram in some work or study up on a subject you are interested in.
Leave the Working Mind at Work: Let Go of Productivity
I know when I get obsessed with learning something, I have a hard time knowing when to put the computer or book down. I create my little stressful environment around learning or making progress, without realizing what I’m doing.
This is the productivity trap; productivity is part of our culture in the US, making it hard to be ok with relaxation.
It’s not only ok to carve out some downtime, it’s healthy and appropriate. You don’t always have to be advancing yourself.
How to Settle into Evening Routines Differently
Let’s try an adaptation of a meditation shared by Thich Nhat Hanh, a Vietnamese monk and Zen master. Anyone can do this activity and feel relief.
- Sit with how you are feeling, as long as it’s not too disturbing; explore the feeling long enough to bring awareness to your body.
- Now, as you breathe in, say to yourself: Breathing in, I am aware I am breathing in.
- As you breathe out, say to yourself: Breathing out, I am aware I am breathing out.
- Repeat for a few minutes; see if you can gradually slow your breathing to a comfortable slow pace.
That’s all there is to it!
I encourage you to use this brief, easy relaxation regularly if it brings relief when you most need it.
When life is busy, it’s easy to start spinning out. Sometimes the simplest effort is the best.
For more techniques to use in the evening, explore more evening routines on Small Steps, Big Joy.
